Not too good today. Feeling alone and very much cut off from the world, which wouldn't be so bad if only there were someone to be cut off with. Today I shopped, in the habit of buying pretty things to cheer myself up. Underwear and cheap sparkly jewels and the like. Which does appease me for a short while, until the loneliness hits again. Don't want to die alone, though if I must, I take some comfort in the fact I will be wearing purple lace french knickers.
Trying to stay positive. Today my accomodation was confirmed for uni in Liverpool. Marybone 2. Ensuite bathroom and such. But I'm terrified. I know I don't cope well on my own, the Dublin experience cemented that fact. Bleh! Scared scared scared. I know I 'could', theoretically, see my psychologist again, but I won't, because I hate them all. Rather hide under the duvet with my dollies and not see anyone.
Re-arranged my alter today. Mostly in memory of my dear one. Starting to think of him as a separate entity now, and definately no longer scared of him. He is still around me, most definately. But I now feel this as a good spirit, not at all malevolent, as I once believed. I also have a new statue of our Lord Cthulhu, which holds pride of place now. Things make sense this way.
There are tiny flies all over the screen, bloody things. And i'm itching, likely cat fleas, damn Sebastien won't stay out of my bed, need to de-flea him tomorrow.
Hoping for a special visitor on Wednesday, someone important who pleases me greatly. He should be here tomorrow but alas he is unwell at present. I do believe we are being hexed, though suspect number one denies any action in that respect, still, a very unfortunate series of inconvieniences. I like this boy though, and I don't mind saying so :)
Nothing to do now but wait I supose. Hopes all is well with the boy tomorrow and that he makes it over to my lair. Hopes the flies go away soon. Reading 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows', about half done. Enraptured now. I love this book. Will read a lot tomorrow I think, and have a prolonged shower too. Also knitting my first teddy bear from grey mohair. Mmm, soft :)
Right, bed for tired crazy girls.
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sick
drunk
creative
bouncy
anxious
content
apathetic
blah
contemplative